- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- preteenagers today articles
- preteenagers today q&a
- teenagers today articles
- teenagers today q&a
- message boards
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
 |
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Dealing with Ingratitude
Tips to Help You Handle Your Teen's Attitude
By Teri Brown
We've all felt it. The condescending stare of a preteen or teen, followed by the "Ohhhhhh Mommm, do I have to?" in response to our request for help. For many of us this leads to the gritting of teeth and a mental rundown of all we do for them. This isn't a discipline problem; they will do what is asked of them... eventually. It's an attitude problem, which is harder to deal with.
Lisa Beamer, mother of three, knows all about the eye-rolling expertise of teens. Her own teen has taught her well.
"Anytime he takes something I say as nagging, even when I don't mean it that way, the eyes go," she says. "For instance, Fridays are garbage days here and it is his responsibility to take the garbage and recycling out Thursday nights. So, usually when he gets home from school on Thursday, I remind him that it is garbage night. That evokes the eye rolls and 'I KNOW!' Which, yes, he should as this is an every-week occurrence, but I can't tell you how many Thursdays the entire afternoon and evening goes by and he hasn't done the garbage and it's bedtime and he's out there in the dark doing it."
Why do preteens and teens so often behave this way? Part of the reason is the stage of development they are in, according to Dr. Paul Ciborowski, professor of counseling at the Long Island University. Ciborowski states that because teens are extremely egocentric, their first thought is almost always, "How does this affect me?" They are extremely influenced by the "me" factor and often have difficulty seeing things from another's perspective.
"You can try to appeal to their altruistic nature, in getting preteens and teens to help around the house, but in many teens doing things for the common good is not as developed as their 'quid pro quo, you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours' mentality," he says.
