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Preteenagers Today's Health Advisory Panel Answers: My 10-year-old son wants to live with his dad in another state. Should I let him go? |
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Chris Crutcher Author Licensed Child and Family Therapist |
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Question: My ex-husband recently moved to another state. My 12-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter went to visit for the month. Now my son wants to stay with his dad. I just want to do what is best for him, and I don't know if I should let him stay. |
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Answer: There is a lot I don't know here. The biggest thing I'm missing is the relationship you have with your ex and the relationship your kids have with him and with you. If there is communication and you feel like your son gets a lot from his dad, etc., I'd consider it. It isn't unusual for a 12-year-old boy to need lots of contact with his father. It means a big loss for you now, but maybe a smaller loss in the future when your son realizes that you did what you thought was best for him rather than what felt best to you. Again, I don't know the inner workings of the relationships, so I'm speaking generically. You may find that if he can go, it may not feel so urgent. Lots of questions, but in the best of worlds, if you feel you both want what's best for your kids and you both have good skills with them, it's not a bad idea to listen to what the kids want/need. |
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